Be a Man- The Crisis of Masculinity

A couple posts ago I wrote about what I would have said to my husband if I saw him again.  I would ask him to be emotionally intelligent, to understand that emotions do not equate weakness. Lately I have been reading a lot about the crisis of masculinity. There are several movements world wide that seem to be addressing this. 

Domestic Violence is not a victim's fault; nothing she did could possibly deserve a violent retaliation. Domestic Violence, and the ending of domestic violence is as much of a man's issue as a woman's. 

Withholding emotion, dominating situations and asserting masculinity is not what this life is about, but it is what we are training our boys to believe. 

Below Tony Porter makes a call to men to step outside of the "Man Box", this seems to be a thread strung through most of the crisis against masculinity messaging.

 

Joe Ehrmann speaks about being told to be a man. Separating your heart from your head, using women to validate masculinity,  and measuring a man.  Ehrmann explores what "Be a Man" is doing to us and what "Being a Man Person" is actually about. Watch the entire thing- trust me.

And Finally one heck of a response to "Man Up"

The Numbers Behind the Stories

Yesterday I read something. There were 94,000 reported violent crimes against family members in Canada in 2011, 50% were spouses, 18% children.  This accounted for 26% of all police investigated crimes that year. The statistical Profile from Stats Canada can be read here. 

I also learned that the rate of women assaulted by a current intimate partner is 542 per 100,000 Canadians. 

The GSS also found that police were less likely to find out about spousal violence against women in 2009 than in 2004. The percentage of female victims indicating that the incident was reported to police, either by themselves or someone else, dropped from 36% to 30%.Reporting to police was more likely when women had sustained an injury, when they feared for their lives, or when the abuse had gone on for some time.  (GSS, Violence against women, 2011)

I waited almost six years to tell anyone, looking back I never thought I could call the police, I couldn't have done that to him. Even after I sat sprawled out on the floor, covered in bruises, my blood and his spit I don't think I ever could have picked up the phone. 

The reports all go on to say the same thing. Women. Young women are more likely to be assaulted by their significant other. Violence affects entire families. Daters are more likely than Married people to experience violence and Family related Homicides occur and account for 6 percent of solved murders. 

The conclusions I can draw are simple domestic violence happens, it can happen to anyone, it doesn't get better and people die. When I read these articles I thought a lot about my husbands hands around my throat, his raspy voice telling me that I was going to die that night. I don't know if he would have been able to do it, if his threats were backed by intent. I do know that if I had stayed there is a real possibility I could have been like one of the 419 Canadians in 2011 who died at the hands of someone they loved. 

Sources: 
1. http://www.statcan.gc.ca/daily-quotidien/130625/dq130625b-eng.htm
2. http://www.statcan.gc.ca/daily-quotidien/081009/dq081009b-eng.htm