I would like to tell you about Edward.
If you lived through the 90's you likely remember Puppy Surprise. When I was about 8 years old I received one for Christmas, She was a pink and white dog with a swollen Velcro sealed tummy, she had a litter of five. A fact that I was very proud of since the toy could also come with 3 or 4 pups. Of the five, one was named Edward.
One day our real puppy, a black lab decided that my toys resembled his and chewed Edward. His face mangled and twisted. His small rubber head opened to a smooth hollow mess.
He was broken A few times my mother suggested that we throw him out and she purchase me a new puppy (you could buy them independently in case you needed 12 like I did.) Still every day I would play with him along side his brothers and sisters hoping eventually I would figure out a way to fix him, to make him whole. For years I held onto his mangled body, he was broken beyond repair but I held on.
At one point I hot glued his face together, filling in the gaps with clear plastic mess that ran down his face and enhanced the franken-puppy look.
Eventually I grew older and the Puppy Surprise made their way back into the closet with the My Little Pony and Cabbage Patch Dolls.I didn't think about them for years.
Ironically I found Edward as I was moving out of my Condo a couple months ago. His tiny rubber face mended, as meticulously as a 12 year old with a glue gun could. His bean bag body stained, beaded fabric from 18 years of existence.
You know what I did with Edward? I put him back in the bin with his brothers and sisters, now a reminder of who I am. You see, I did this again, 14 years after Edwards mangled face graced my toy box. I kept a relationship, a mangled, disfigured, irreparable relationship with a person I couldn't hot glue gun back together. I hoped that one day, some how I would figure out how to fasten him back together, make him whole and not have to say goodbye.