Hi There, I'm Mel

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It has been a little over a year since I found myself alone, lost, scared. More terrified than I ever felt with my Husband's hands grasped around my throat. Now I am learning that survival means growth, accepting that it was not my fault, and understanding that I am far from alone in this journey. 

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

The Little Things

Three short posts in and the love and support I have received from complete strangers has been overwhelming. Thank-you

 Sometimes, when I cannot handle my world any more I write things down. I suppose that is how this Blog began, a way from me to sort out my thoughts and feelings in a concise manner. Maybe sometimes through ramblings...

Yesterday I wrote someone who means more to me than anything in the world a letter. A letter about little things.

When you feel like your life is in a spiral, it is easy to lose yourself in negative feelings, in self deprecating thoughts. It is easy to feed into the bad vibes, continuing the spiral.

I learned something a while back, that you cannot do this. There is no way to be totally happy when you are in a tough situation, but you need reprieve. 

The Little Things

Focusing on the little things help me find happiness when it wasn't a constant in my life. I used to chase these moments. I would race outside leaving skid marks to stand in the middle of the courtyard while fluffy white snowflakes kissed my nose. I would wear new clothes when I couldn't shed my old skin, I would paint my nails pink on grey days. 

I hoped that one day these things would no longer be important, I wished that one day they would fade into the backdrop and make way for that perfect effortless happiness I had so desperately wanted.  

Then Something Happened

I realized that it has been a long time since I had searched for one of these moments. But even in that moment, I was happy. 

I am Happy

Like 1000 little happy moments had layered on top of one another. 

Sure there are crappy days where I fall apart, I know there will be more, I know there will be tougher days and longer nights but somehow from the core of Kate, my entire being, I am Happy and that is something I always hoped for but never expected.