Three short posts in and the love and support I have received from complete strangers has been overwhelming. Thank-you
Sometimes, when I cannot handle my world any more I write things down. I suppose that is how this Blog began, a way from me to sort out my thoughts and feelings in a concise manner. Maybe sometimes through ramblings...
Yesterday I wrote someone who means more to me than anything in the world a letter. A letter about little things.
When you feel like your life is in a spiral, it is easy to lose yourself in negative feelings, in self deprecating thoughts. It is easy to feed into the bad vibes, continuing the spiral.
I learned something a while back, that you cannot do this. There is no way to be totally happy when you are in a tough situation, but you need reprieve.
The Little Things
Focusing on the little things help me find happiness when it wasn't a constant in my life. I used to chase these moments. I would race outside leaving skid marks to stand in the middle of the courtyard while fluffy white snowflakes kissed my nose. I would wear new clothes when I couldn't shed my old skin, I would paint my nails pink on grey days.
I hoped that one day these things would no longer be important, I wished that one day they would fade into the backdrop and make way for that perfect effortless happiness I had so desperately wanted.
Then Something Happened
I realized that it has been a long time since I had searched for one of these moments. But even in that moment, I was happy.
I am Happy
Like 1000 little happy moments had layered on top of one another.
Sure there are crappy days where I fall apart, I know there will be more, I know there will be tougher days and longer nights but somehow from the core of Kate, my entire being, I am Happy and that is something I always hoped for but never expected.